'For My Lover, Returning To His Wife' - Anne Sexton

Title: For My Lover, Returning To His Wife
Poet: Anne Sexton
Publication Date: 1969

"Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard" - Anne Sexton


"She is all there.
She was melted carefully down for you
and cast up from your childhood,
cast up from your one hundred favourite aggies.

She has always been there, my darling.
She is, in fact, exquisite.
Fireworks in the dull middle of February
and as real as a cast-iron pot.

Let's face it, I have been momentary.
A luxury. A bright red sloop in the harbor.
My hair rising like smoke from the car window.
Littleneck clams out of season.

She is more than that. She is your have to have,
has grown you your practical your tropical growth.
This is not an experiment. She is all harmony.
She sees to oars and oarlocks for the dinghy,

has placed wild flowers at the window at breakfast,
sat by the potter's wheel at midday,
set forth three children under the moon,
three cherubs drawn by Michelangelo,

done this with her legs spread out
in the terrible months in the chapel.
If you glance up, the children are there
like delicate balloons resting on the ceiling.

She has also carried each one down the hall
after supper, their heads privately bent,
two legs protesting, person to person
her face flushed with a song and their little sleep.

I give you back your heart.
I give you permission—

for the fuse inside her, throbbing
angrily in the dirt, for the bitch in her
and the burying of her wound—
for the burying of her small red wound alive—

for the pale flickering flare under her ribs,
for the drunken sailor who waits in her left pulse,
for the mother's knee, for the stockings,
for the garter belt, for the call—

the curious call
when you will burrow in arms and breasts
and tug at the orange ribbon in her hair
and answer the call, the curious call.

She is so naked and singular.
She is the sum of yourself and your dream.
Climb her like a monument, step after step.
She is solid.

As for me, I am a watercolor.
I wash off."

Overview Of The Poem

Ultimately, this poem is an almost monologue written from the perspective of a mistress looking in on her lovers relationship with his wife. It is an unconventional outlook on an affair due to the fact that the mistress vividly describes her lover and his wife's sexual encounters. This is unusual because you would generally expect to be hearing from the wife about the sexual encounters between her husband and his mistress, however Sexton alters the stereotype for a more atypical outlook on the love triangle of an affair. Sexton, through the mistress, creates a mysterious tone by only referencing the people using personal pronouns, not fully addressing their roles or names, which are only really referred to in the title; I personally believe that without the title the meaning of this poem would become quite ambiguous. I interpreted the main message of this poem to be that the she views the wife as constant and loving, like a 'monument' and someone that will always be present, whereas she sees herself as something capricious and almost neglected. 

Context
This poem was published in 1969 which was a massive time for new women's and LGBT rights that were arising in the USA. A new contraceptive pill was introduced in 1960 and this allowed women to have sex much more freely outside of and before marriage, which is clearly a prominent part of this poem. Also at this time it became much more common for men to have mistresses and for men to have sex outside of marriage and people accepted it, however women were still very heavily criticised. Anne Sexton was a very controversial poet and had a somewhat traumatic upbringing which affected her later relationships massively. Sexton was well known to right about these disputed issues and draw attention to things that were looked down upon. 

Themes
Love and Marriage: Clearly this is an extremely relevant and the most prominent theme expressed throughout. Sexton explores sexual and emotional love however we only really see this relate to the wife and can only assume what is done with the mistress. Ultimately, the emotional connection which is found in marriage is presented most positively as is described in a romantic and stable manner.

Lust: I believe that lust is heavily presented in this poem by Sexton however as discussed earlier this is done in an unconventional way as it is written from the mistress perspective. Many times sexual encounters are referenced with an almost depressive and stagnant tone however we can only infer this is due to the fact that she (the mistress) is looking in from the outside and feels a sense of rejection as if she is no longer wanted. 

Poetic Techniques

Sexton employs many different techniques to emphasise the many relationships explored in this poem. However for me the most prominent technique would be the use of imagery to show the difference between the mistress and the wife. The mistress describes the wife as a 'monument' and uses a lexical filed of stable objects. However she describes herself as 'watercolour' and says that she 'washes off'. This could be interpreted to be a reference to the fact that although the wife is plain she is constant and a symbol if stability. On the other hand the mistress herself is a fleeting presence of beauty who is pushed aside in search of the matrimonial true love. Furthermore, Sexton includes a lot of repetition of certain bold phrases such as 'she is' (here she references the wife) and 'for the'. This could possibly be mimetic of the fact that the mistress is overthinking the same thoughts as they are repeated the meaning deepens further.

Structure
This is a very long poem however most of this poem is spent talking about what the wife represents and very little of it talking about herself (mistress), this could be representative of the wife having more depth and presence. Although the poem has a fairly unconventional message the sometimes colloquial language creates an unexpected twist however could emphasise the modern outlook Sexton presents.

Presentations Of Love
Fitting with the rest of the poem the presentation of love is also fairly unorthodox but not without a few stereotypes. This is because the wife is said to be like a 'monument', this could implicate that marriage is strong and stable because monuments take a while to build, like a marriage where as the mistress is described as 'watercolour' which implicates that she is inconstant and used only for sex which is a large stereotype of an affair. Although he imagery used is generally stereotypical throughout the poem the reader finds themselves pitying the mistress which is extremely unnatural as usually you pity the wife who is being betrayed. Especially at the time this was published this outlook on an affair would have been very unexpected.